You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I still have a little drunk in my system
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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