On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
false alarm. still invincible.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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