My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
