My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
