I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We talked him into tasing himself.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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