Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
