be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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