Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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