moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
