She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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