Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
