I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
