i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
