Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
