we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
