Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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