On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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