I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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