so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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