Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
