That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I met the friendliest cop last night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize