lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
