i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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