It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
