Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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