I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
