I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
