he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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