Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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