What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
