you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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