A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
