she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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