Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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