drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
