can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
