I'm so fucking centered right now
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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