yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
