I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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