im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
May the power of my ass compel you!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
