call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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