dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think I just sharted jello shots
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