And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
