either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
