She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
