You can't special order awesome
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
