We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
