when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
