oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
