I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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