well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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