Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize