he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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