Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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