My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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