paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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