I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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