were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
