Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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