we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
