How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
