I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
