he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize