dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My bed smells like the plague
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
