apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
