apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
