This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
