This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
