Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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