on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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