I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
