I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
