Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just high enough for therapy.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize