Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
