I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
