Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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