So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
