i was born a porn star she said
high people should be assigned attendants
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize