I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
