bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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