the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
