I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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