Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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