Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
