babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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