We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
