I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
