Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
