"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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