"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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