I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
