I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
