I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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