Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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