My room smells like vodka and shame
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
