Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
