just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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