I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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