Nicole vs. Life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
