Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize