He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
