Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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